It is another beautiful sunday; and I find myself working again!!. Oh, how I owe the LORD for all my mistakes. How gracious he is to even allow me the breadth of life when I rose out of my bed today. Now, here are my thoughts for today. I have this great burden and angst in my soul about the direction of my life. Not knowing exactly what way I should be going, yet trusting God to lead me. Realizing all the while that his ways are not my ways, and his thoughts are so far from my thoughts. Yet, frustrated like the weeping prophet (Jeremiah), I find myself uttering the same words that he uttered in frustration for the lot given unto him by the LORD; the burden of the LORD in his life - In the depth of my soul, oooooooh LORD, save me please, because if you don't do it I won't make it, for I feel like Ezra now too ....
"And now for a little space grace hath been shewed from the LORD our God, to leave us a remnant to escape, and to give us a nail in his holy place, that our God may lighten our eyes, and give us a little reviving in our bondage - Ezra 9:8.
In my heart my cry is - "Woe is me, my mother, that thou hast borne me a man of strife and a man of contention to the whole earth - Jeremiah 15:10"
Today, I truly feel like Job when he uttered these words...Job Chapter 4
"Now a thing was secretly brought to me, and mine ear received a little thereof.In thoughts from the visions of the night, when deep sleep falleth on men, Fear came upon me, and trembling, which made all my bones to shake. Then a spirit passed before my face; the hair of my flesh stood up: It stood still, but I could not discern the form thereof: an image was before mine eyes, there was silence, and I heard a voice, saying, Shall mortal man be more just than God? shall a man be more pure than his maker? Behold, he put no trust in his servants; and his angels he charged with folly: How much less in them that dwell in houses of clay, whose foundation is in the dust, which are crushed before the moth? They are destroyed from morning to evening: they perish for ever without any regarding it. Doth not their excellency which is in them go away? they die, even without wisdom".
At the beggining of Job chapter 4 Eliphaz starts by reminding "weary Job", who he really is despite all the tribulation that he is in at the momment. He reminds him of a few things that he used to do in verse 3 and 4 - "Behold, thou hast instructed many, and thou hast strengthened the weak hands.Thy words have upholden him that was falling, and thou hast strengthened the feeble knees". But, because of the things fiery trials he is experiencing he is getting a little impatient, and starting to forget for in verse 5 it says that he has started getting 'impatient and dismayed' by all the loss and pain - "But now it is come upon thee, and thou faintest; it toucheth thee, and thou art troubled". Sounds so familiar to me. Of late, it has been so easy to feel just like Job. I have had to have a very tough talk with one of my closest brothers about his household, and his relationship with his wife. While talking to him, God was also talking to me like Eliphaz was talking to Job reminding me of the same things that Eliphaz was talking to Job about. My weariness and impatience. Seeing so much pain and the hopelessness of my brothers situation, I got dispondent like Job in this chapter.
But, today I ran across an article that was printed in the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel about my father-in-laws death on a church alter while preaching his last message as it would be in a church in Chicago, IL. It's title says..."Conley followed calling until the end". Good Lord!, if that doesn't prick a young man's heart;who has a love for the ministry and a heart for souls, I don't know what does then. That sentence was shouting in my heart today, and took me to Job chapter 4. In verse 6 Job is reminded by Eliphaz what was once his anchor in the LORD, that he seems to have forgotten so quickly - "Is not this thy fear, thy confidence, thy hope, and the uprightness of thy ways?". You see Eliphaz was reminding Job that it was his - "fear of God, his confidence in the power of God,And the integrity of his ways that were his hope?". He further asks him a very sobering question that I had to ask myself today while contemplating on my father-in-laws death - "Remember, I pray thee, who ever perished, being innocent? or where were the righteous cut off?. You see he was reminding Job that the INNOCENT never perished, nor the righteous were ever cutoff. Job had started to doubt and forget that reality you see, just like I have been for sometime now because of the trials in my life. But, am thankful for the HolyGhost, he knows the things in our hearts and brings comfort, reprove, rebuke and correction so that we can set our affections again on this above, not below!!. Glory be go my God, forever and evermore!!. What a wonderful saviour!!.
Eliphaz goes a little further and says this to job about the alternative that he can't entertain, going the way of evil. He says to Job in verse 8,9 - "According to what I have seen, those who plow iniquity And those who sow trouble harvest it. By the breath of God they perish,And by the blast of His anger they come to an end". In otherwords, Job, you don't want to drawback because the LORD has no pleasure in them that have a spirit to drawback. The scripture says that
- "Now the just shall live by faith: but if any man draw back, my soul shall have no pleasure in him.But we are not of them who draw back unto perdition; but of them that believe to the saving of the soul - Hebrews 10:37-39.
Basically verses 8 and 9 of Job chapter 4, the warnings given by Eliphaz (Who was a very young man I might add) to Job was that he should not be weary and defeated, he should not be thinking of drawing back, but rather with "Fear and trembling" (Job 4:12-17)he should make sure that if he dies, "HE DIES WITH THE STAFF IN HIS HAND". You see, this is the 'staff of the LORD", And the staff of the lord is that very thing which King David reminded us that comforts us even though we walk in the valley of the shadow of death as it were....Oh!, what encouraging words, What wonderful a blessed assurance, and a foretaste of heaven devine...Thank you LORD!!
- "Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me - Psalm 23:4.
I just want to thank My father-in-law today in the presence of the LORD for the example that he left for me. That I should fight the good fight of faith amidst all the trials and tribulations and see to it that If I die, that "I die with the staff of the LORD in my hand". I want to thank him like Eliphaz speaking to Job, for the HolyGhost which spoke to me today and encouraged me so. Reminding me in the words of that wonderful song by Dorothy Coates...."I am going to die with the staff in my hand" - The Best Of Dorothy Love Coates & The Original Gospel Harmonettes, Vol 1 & 2.
Daddy, You are missed. Men with a heart for the kingdom of God, and souls salvation are a rare thing to find in today's carnal church. All the years I knew you, you exhibited to me what it means to go "fully after the LORD". Something that even the wisest man on earth did not consider to do, which caused him to do evil as did David his father;the LORD was angry with Solomon, because his heart was turned from the LORD God of Israel, which had appeared unto him twice, And had commanded him concerning this thing, that he should not go after other gods: but he kept not that which the LORD commanded - 1 Kings 11:5-10".
I pray my eulogy and epitaph to say these words - "I died with the staff of the LORD in my hand". Like Elisha when Elijah was leaving him, I am asking that the LORD, as Elisha did that - "I pray thee, let a double portion of thy spirit be upon me" even if I was not there to see you when you were taken as was the case of Elijah and Elisha. Like Elisha, I am crying "My father, my father, the chariot of Israel, and the horsemen thereof.." grant me the wish though am so unworthy of it. I desire the mantle of the power of the HolyGhost to fall on me so when the people see me, they can say, surely "The spirit of Elder Conley doth rest on John his son in the gospel..."."For the LORD will not forsake his people for his great name's sake: because it hath pleased the LORD to make us his people; Moreover as for me, God forbid that I should sin against the LORD in ceasing to pray for others: but I will teach them the good and the right way: Only to fear the LORD, and serve him in truth with all our heart: for consider how great things he hath done for us - 1 Samuel 12:22-25. I want to die with the staff of the LORD in my hand. Help me LORD!!
I miss you daddy, I love you so much daddy!!
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